*Sponsored blog by Consilia Legal
Christmas is often described as the ‘best time of the year’, a ‘joyous occasion’ but for many separated parents it is a time of anxiety and worry when it comes to sorting out the arrangements for their children. For those parents it can be a period of dread having to argue over how much time they can spend with their children.
Unfortunately, there is no secret formula or rule book as to how separated parents should navigate their way around Christmas arrangements, however, remembering the “three C’s”, might make it easier:
When a relationship between parents is particularly strained, parents may unintentionally put their feelings towards the other parent above their children’s needs, as emotions are running high. We appreciate, we’re human and not robots! However, in the midst of any parental conflict or disagreements around the Christmas holidays, ask yourself these questions – how does this decision impact upon the children? What’s best for them? What can we do as parents to ensure they have a positive experience with both of us over Christmas?
Also, think about practicalities early, especially if both parents live far apart. No one wants to spend hours travelling on Christmas day-especially children!
Communication
We understand it can be hard to communicate with someone who you have a strained relationship with but often in these circumstances, communicating can often save a lot of unnecessary stress.
Technology has made life easier and there are many apps to allow separated parents to communicate effectively such as the Talking Parents App, Two Houses or Our Family Wizard, which come highly recommended by the Family Courts as an effective communication tool. These apps encourage parents to co-parent more effectively as everyone can access diaries and plan accordingly as well as discouraging hostile language. This is a particularly useful where there is a history of high conflict when communicating with your ex-partner.
Often, it is better to have these conversations sooner rather than later to prevent arguments occurring when the stress of organising Christmas starts to build up.
If communication cannot be established, a third party such as a mediator can be very effective in providing a safe space to allow parents to communicate and express themselves fully, which could then lead to an amicable settlement.
Reassure the children that you understand that they might not be able to see both parents on Christmas day but that both parents will make the time they do spend with them, special.
Children do not want to be involved or surrounded by arguments and despite the children not seeing the messages or hearing the conversations, they can pick up on the tension and the worries of a parent. Therefore, it is vital to remember that communication is going to be key to sorting out arrangements and avoiding children having the anxiety around what might happen at Christmas where plans are not made.
Compromise
With good communication often comes good compromise. Compromise is vital in sorting out child arrangments in all family set ups. We all have different lives and ideas on what works best, which means there must always be some room for compromise. In some cases, this may relate to travel or work commitments. Each parent must understand that it’s vital to keep the channels of communication and compromise open as it is beneficial for everyone involved. A little compassion and compromise can go a long way in reaching an amicable decision which is in the best interests of the children and lead to a more longer term effective co-parenting relationship.
A final thought for parents. You can’t change who you are, who they are, but you can do your part in making it a positive co-parenting relationship, not just for Christmas. Your children will thank you for it!
For further information and advice in relation to sorting out arrangements for the Christmas holidays, please feel free to contact one of our friendly family solicitors or mediators on 0113 3229222 or email us on enquiries@consilialegal.co.uk.
