Ways Consilia Legal can help separating families in lockdown

In her latest guest blog,  Sarah from Consilia Legal,  discusses ways they have adapted their services to support separating families in lockdown.

We are now on week 14 of working remotely and offering mediation sessions online. For me, it has flown by and it now feels like the new norm.

Many of our family enquiries are from people who have realised during lockdown that they have nothing in common with their partners. It is easy to get caught up juggling work and looking after the children and turn a blind eye to the issues within a relationship. Many people, including myself, have used the time in lockdown to reflect on what’s important. I am a busy working Mum and I have adapted my way of working to have a better work-life balance and I have already made plans to work from home a few days a week to achieve this. For some people, they may take this opportunity to consider if they are happy in their current position as the pandemic has made most people think ‘life is too short.’

Issues I have faced and how I have overcome them:

I have embraced working remotely and actually prefer it in some instances.  Upon lifting of the current restrictions, Consilia will continue to offer mediation remotely as an option in our assessment meetings.

The main principles of mediation are exactly the same. I have to remain impartial at all times and all discussions are confidential and on a ‘without prejudice’ basis.

There have been some hurdles to working remotely and I have had to adapt my way of working. I amended our Agreement to Mediate to address virtual mediation sessions and parties need to agree to the terms before taking part. One concern of mine was people recording the sessions with mobile phones which would be easier to do when not face to face.

I also ask parties to show me around the room on the video call to ensure that no one else is present and discuss this again in the session with them both. I have done many mediations sessions virtually where all parties have signed the agreement and I have not had any issues with people being unwilling to agree to the terms.

One issue that has been hard to overcome is having the children present in the house. I ensure that I ask the client in their initial assessment meeting, who is present in their household? I ask where the child or children will be if a joint session takes place and what provisions are in place to safeguard them. I have considered if I was the client, how would I overcome this with my own children present in the house.  I have rooms in my house that are private if someone else was able to sit with the children to ensure they are not in earshot. This is not possible when you live on your own with the children. I have two small children myself and know only too well how distracting they can be if you are trying to talk and it is important to have your full attention in the mediation, even if they are too young to take note of what you are saying. It is easier to occupy older children but if they overhear the tone and content of the conversation it could be damaging to them. To overcome this, I have offered evening mediation sessions at 7.30pm when younger children are asleep in bed.

Everyone seems to be embracing technology and I have not had a session where either party is unable to conduct the session via a video link. I prefer to use Zoom due to the screen share facility and waiting rooms but we can also use skype, WhatsApp and Messenger.

For people suffering from domestic violence or where they live far apart, I would usually deem mediation as unsuitable. By using virtual mediation, it takes away the issue of distance and now I do not see this as an obstacle for mediation to not take place in the first instance. I have adapted my Mediation Information Assessment Meetings to discuss all options available. Domestic violence is still, of course, a concern. For people who have not had any face to face contact with their ex-partner, to then suddenly be thrown in a room with them and to discuss children or financial matters is extremely daunting. Many clients have said they prefer virtual mediation as they feel able to speak more freely and not have the awkwardness of sitting across the table from their ex-partner. I have also found that to prevent one party from dominating the conversations, the mute button is fantastic. If this is necessary, I explain that I will give each person the opportunity to speak and I will unmute you when it is your turn to speak.  I am also able to speak to them in separate rooms if the prospect of seeing their partner even virtually is difficult.

My Top Tips on ensuring that a virtual mediation session runs smoothly:

1. Ensure you have the correct equipment e.g. computer, laptop or tablet with a camera and microphone. Ideally, the use of headphones is recommended for clarity and also to limit the chance of the mediation being overheard. Be sure to also check your volume settings;
2. Check you have appropriate internet connection – we will run an internet quality test with you prior to starting a joint mediation session;
3. Privacy – mediation is a confidential process. Please ensure the video call cannot be overheard by another person(s). There must be no one else in the room with you. You must not record the mediation session;
4. Screen display – be sure to position your screen in a way which ensures the other party and the mediator can see your face and that you are at eye level to your camera. Have a look behind you and check you are content for the other party and the mediator to see your background;
5. Turn off Distractions – please turn off any other devices or switch to silent mode whilst conducting the session so that there are no distractions and you can fully concentrate on the discussions within the mediation session;
6. Comfort – mediation sessions can last several hours and so it’s important at the outset that you are comfortable. Check seating, room temperature and available refreshments;
7. Paperwork – If you do need any paperwork or a pen and paper for the session, have this with you at the start of the meeting so you don’t need to break off and disrupt the flow of the session;
8. Dress code – there is no dress code in mediation as it is an informal process. However, we would recommend dressing in a way that is appropriate and respectful to the other party and to the mediator;
9. Timings – it can be difficult to predict exactly how long a mediation session will take place, so it’s a good idea to leave yourself some extra time in case it overruns. If you are limited for time, it’s best to tell the mediator prior to the session rather than simply cutting the mediation short at the end. We would also recommend being at your device ready to start the session at least 10 minutes beforehand in case of any technical difficulties;
10. Communication is Key – with any effective mediation session, all participants and the mediator need the space to communicate. It can be more difficult to pick up on social cues online and/or there may be a slight time delay and so we recommend allowing for pauses between discussions to avoid the risk of everyone speaking over one and other which will hinder progress. The mediator may ask participants to mute themselves when listening to others.

If you are thinking of separating from your partner, we offer a free initial consultation for Mumbler members. I can explain to you how we can assist as either a solicitor or a mediator.

For more information please contact me on my direct number 07516 030535 or by email at s.manning@consilialegal.co.uk.