This is a sponsored blog post from Consilia Legal
Whilst we can’t deny the excitement that inevitably surrounds the festive period, even with the best will in the world for a relaxing and happy holiday, Christmas can bring with it a whole host of stress, anxiety and arguments. Unfortunately, some separated parents face additional difficulties that come with trying to navigate the holidays with two households and trying to come to an arrangement for the children that everyone is ‘moderately’ happy with.
Unfortunately, there is no secret formula for the perfect Christmas arrangements. Every family is different and what works for one may not work for another. It all depends entirely on your individual circumstances and the wishes and feelings of everyone concerned.
Often separated parents choose to split Christmas Day so that they both get to spend at least part of the day with the children. For others, Christmas Day itself is not of such importance and so they may decide for one parent to have the children on Christmas Day and for the other to have them on Boxing Day. There are many factors that need to be taken into consideration, for example, the distance between both parent’s homes and their respective working commitments. It really is about finding an arrangement that will work best for you and your family.
If you are unable to reach an agreement, who decides what the arrangements for Christmas are going to be?
Ultimately you and your ex-partner are best placed to make these decisions because you know your family and child or children the best. It may be that you are still on relatively good speaking terms and you are able to text, email or even get together for a coffee and come up with a plan directly together.
Sometimes following separation the communication between you and your ex-partner is difficult. In those circumstances, family mediation can be a great tool as the mediator will act as an independent third person to facilitate constructive conversations between you and your ex-partner to help you reach an agreement together.
In the event that you are unable to reach an agreement at mediation, either party can make a formal court application for an order known as a Specific Issues Order in relation to the Christmas holidays as an isolated issue or as part of a Child Arrangements Order application. The Court will then consider both parents’ positions and arguments and decide upon arrangements that are ultimately in the best interests of the child or children.
Some Tips To Help
From our experience as family mediators and solicitors, we have formulated our five top tips for surviving the Christmas holidays as a separated parent: –
1. Try to keep the lines of communication open – Your ex-partner may be the last person you want to speak to but if you’re both involved in the decision making, you’re much more likely to stick to the arrangements and respect each other’s time with the children;
2. Be willing to compromise – The arrangements you decide upon may not be your ideal scenario, however, a little compromise can go a long way to helping the festive period run smoothly;
3. Avoid competition – Please don’t fall into the trap of competing with your ex-partner, it is simply not worth the time, hassle or money. Try to agree on a budget with your ex-partner and make sure you are both on the same page. Communicate so that you don’t duplicate presents and consider sharing the costs of more expensive items;
4. Focus on the children – It may be that there are still ongoing issues between you and your ex-partner that have nothing to do with the children but try to put those aside over Christmas and focus on making sure that the children have a great time with both of you;
5. Embrace the “new normal” – It may be hard to not compare the new arrangements to previous Christmases before you separated with your ex-partner but try to shift the focus on making new memories and new traditions with the children. Remember there is no such thing as the “perfect” Christmas!
It is not always possible to have productive conversations about delicate subjects like Christmas arrangements without help from professionals. At Consilia Legal we are experienced family mediators and solicitors and we would be happy to go through your options with you at a FREE consultation. We are fully supportive to parents and try to minimise parental conflict as best we can. We understand how important it is for both parents to sit down and communicate with each other and try to negotiate arrangements that work well for them and more importantly for any child involved.
Please feel free to contact one of our experienced solicitors on 0113 3229222 or email us on enquiries@consilialegal.co.uk.
