It always astounds me as a Solicitor and Mediator the power of mediation and how effective it can be for both parties to come together and discuss matters amicably. In the majority of cases at one time or another both parties once loved each other and were able to communicate and sit in the same room and it is possible, in most cases, to do this again in a controlled environment. Many people have the misconception that mediation is about getting parties back together. This is not the case. I have no counselling experience and I see my job as a mediator to agree practical steps moving forward to benefit both parties and any child or children involved.
For many separating couples, the mediation session is the first time that many parties have had face to face contact with their ex partners in a long time where communication only took place via text messages and/or email. Emails and texts are generally short, to the point and lack empathy and feelings. This in turn can escalate matters that can be resolved in a mediation setting.
When meeting with your solicitor they only hear one side of the story and they only look out for the best interest of their client. As a mediator you initially sit down with each party and listen to their side of the story in an impartial manner. As a mediator the initial meeting allows me to speak to both parties and find out what is important to them and try reach some common ground.
Throughout my years of practising as a mediator it has allowed me to understand that there are always two sides to every story and something that is important to one family is not always important to another.
I always remember my very first joint mediation session after my training in 2012. You could literally cut the atmosphere in the room with a knife! Dad wore sunglasses and a baseball hat and Mum had her full body turned away from Dad with her arms folded. Communication had broken down between them and Dad hadn’t seen the parties’ children for a number of months. By the end of the session, which lasted no more than 1.5 hours, Dad had taken his hat and glasses off, they were both facing each other, and they left agreeing for Dad to collect their son from school – Mum even offered him a lift home! After working in family law at that time for 5 years, I was shocked that in 1.5 hours the parties had reached an agreement and left on speaking terms. If Dad had pursued the matter through the Court system, it could have been a further 6 months until he had contact with his son again – a scenario that doesn’t help the parents or more importantly the child.
Mediation is not always as powerful as described above. Some cases are not suitable for mediation and the intervention of the Court is required.
I always say as a mediator as well as a solicitor to my legal clients that there is no winner or loser in family matters. In the majority of cases when there have been two incomes going into one household, it stands to reason that both parties need to take a drop in the standard of living they have previously been accustomed to when they separate and require two separate households. Similarly, in children matters, you do not embark on the journey as a parent and think that you will only spend 50% of your time with them. It is important for both parties to consider the position of the other person and ensure that they have realistic expectations of the outcome.
I am big advocate of family mediation because as a practising solicitor & mediator, I am able to see first-hand the benefit of family mediation to my clients in my role as a solicitor and within the mediation process itself – the ‘power of mediation’ amazes me!
Please feel free to contact one of our experienced solicitors on 0113 3229222 or email us on enquiries@consilialegal.co.uk.
This is a sponsored blog post from Consilia Legal
