The Voice of the Child in Family Mediation And Separation

*This is a sponsored blog post for Consilia Legal*

The Voice of the Child in Family Mediation

As a family mediator, my role is to help separated parents discuss arrangements for their children. My focus is on helping parents make decisions about their family’s future in a constructive way, maintaining a positive dialogue. Whilst it is accepted that it is the parents’ responsibility to make decisions relating to their children, it is also widely recognised that children should have a voice about changes in their lives. Where appropriate I can speak to children within the mediation process. This is known as Child Inclusive Mediation (CIM).

There are common fears surrounding separation for both parents and children. There can be a lot of unknowns as to the future and children can often get caught in the crossfire. Mediation is an aid for separated parents to help them work through this difficult time and re-direct their focus on the children.

Being responsible parents remains a joint task even though you live apart. It’s about ensuring child-centred conversations can be achieved by:

• reinforcing a positive parenting relationship which forms the basis for plans being made;
• keeping focused on the children’s needs and feelings;
• helping put arrangements in place as quickly as possible to enable a child to spend time with both parents without delay;
• encouraging parents not to allow conflict between them to involve the children.

Research shows that when parents are separating, a child benefits from:

• Being kept informed by both parents about what is happening.
• Being reassured that it is “not their fault” that mum/dad has left the home.
• Being treated as an individual –not being under the umbrella of “the children”.
• Being able to talk on the phone in private to both parents when they wish.
• Not having to make too many changes all at once.
• Not having to choose between their parents.
• Having someone to talk to outside of their immediate family.

Child Inclusive Mediation is an opportunity for children to have their voice heard through the process of mediation. This opportunity helps them feel listened to, valued and respected. It also assists their parents to understand them and take their views into consideration before finalising arrangements.

It enables a child to speak to an independent person without having to filter their response as they would to each parent because they don’t want to upset them. The process is highly confidential and informal. Express consent is needed from both parents beforehand.

No pressure is put on the child and whatever is discussed with the mediator can only be discussed with the parents with the child’s permission, unless there are any safeguarding concerns.  The child is not asked to make a decision. The purpose of CIM is to provide the child with a safe environment to air their worries, concerns, feelings and thoughts they might have on the proposals their parents are making.

At Consilia Mediation our specialised accredited mediator, Laura Clapton is qualified to see children for direct child consultation appointments. For more information you can contact us on 0113 322 9222 or at mediation@consilialegal.co.ukor alternatively visit our dedicated website www.consiliamediation.co.uk.